mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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