I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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