capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
