FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
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High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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