I'm lost and stupid without you.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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