I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
