girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Semen is not good for contacts.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
