why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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