I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
3pm strippers are depressing
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
