If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
