My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
