Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
