Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
