I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
