This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
