I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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