He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The feeling are messing with the penis
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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