wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
