i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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