I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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