Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
