I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
