i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
