As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize