be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
