While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
