I cannot find my penis.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize