just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
