I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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