She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
