handjob tips. give me some.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
