It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
