K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
