Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
