I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
