By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
