Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
