did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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