I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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