just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
