Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
