Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
