Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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