I only kidnapped one of them. chill
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
