There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
ttyl tear gas
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
