My hand turned me down
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
