I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
