Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
