Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
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seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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