Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
