ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
