I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
