i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
