My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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