Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
