Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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