i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Your cock deserves a montage
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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