I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
