I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
