He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
