I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need to align my fucking chakras
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
