I looked at my own cervix.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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