No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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