he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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