Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
