Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize