This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
