She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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