So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
