I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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