i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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