I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
whose ass print is on the piano?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
