i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
