this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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