I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
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Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize