The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
