Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i barfeds in our rink
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
