dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize