Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
