I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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