Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
