Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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