Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
