I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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