He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
