I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
