just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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