they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
