Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
