I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
