your room smells of hookers.
And success
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
