are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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