He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
